Wedding Pandemonium

Marriage. Engagements. Weddings. Babies. And it’s not necessarily in that order. Every time I log into facebook someone’s announcing the news. And if you’re wondering why I talk about facebook a lot it’s because my genius internet phone has access to facebook and nothing else. It’s my one source to the outside world. Go figure. The only other source of news is the Times of Swaziland. If you have some time, look it up. It’s great and highly entertaining. Journalism at its finest!

Having babies in Hawaii is common- people have been popping them out since high school. And marriage after college is not only predictable but expected. So why is it all so shocking? Maybe because I tend to think the world revolves around me and when I left I expected everyone to pause their lives? Or perhaps I’m greedy and expect to be a part of everyone’s lives forever more? Both these may be, but there’s one other reason I couldn’t comprehend. We are 23, 24, 25 years old and so young! What’s the big rush? Then it occurred to me, my priorities are vastly different from the norm. I’m the oddball here! Not everyone else. Not better not worse just different. I’ve chosen to leave the comforts of home to brave the unknown, live with minimal necessities, engage in a foreign culture, and travel with a backpack and tent. Of course I’m going to be opposed at the thought of being tied down so soon. So what does marriage mean, why are all my friends jumping on board, and will there be any weddings to be a part of by the time I return? Questions flooded my mind, and I had much to contemplate while lying on the floor of my hut and praying it would rain.

About 6 months back, when the news started rolling in, emotions kicked in. I was going to miss the monumental moments in some of my best friends’ lives. About that same time, 2 of my best friends in my Swazi community became engaged. Then I realized how lucky I was. I was trading experiences. Though unable to be there for friends in the States, but fortunate enough to be a part of new friends’ lives, I was going to experience life’s meaningful moments in a new light.

In November 2011 I was invited to be a part of a friend’s lobola. A lobola is where the men’s family meets with the bride’s family and they negotiate the terms of the engagement (aka how many cows she is worth among other things). It is an intimate affair taking place at the female’s homestead.

I had arrived at my friend’s natal homestead around 9 am. As I walked onto the property singing “Ekaya” (announcing your presence/arrival) I was greeted by her friends and family members who ushered me into the home. There, I entered a small room filled with 20-25 people sitting on mats laid out on the floor. The room was split with men on one side and the women opposite them. In the middle of the room was a bucket and cup, filled with the local brew- which only the men were invited to drink. Placed next to the brew were trash bags filled with blankets, which is customary to give as gifts.

As I entered the room I sat down next to my friend, the bride to be. She asked me to photograph the ceremony and instructed me to move wherever I saw fit. We remained in the room for a couple of hours until the large negotiations were met.

Then everyone exited the room for a short break, fresh air, and the celebrations began! Singing, Dancing and laughter broke out as everyone crowded around the krawl and a cow was chosen to be slaughtered. The elders returned to the negotiations throughout the day, but I stuck close to the men preparing what was to be our lunch and dinner. It was incredibly interesting and I had a wonderful time documenting how to spear a cow, skin, cut, and cook it. Africans use EVERY part of the animal. It’s amazing and disgusting at the same time.

It was truly an amazing experience. I not only got to be there for a friend, but I got to experience and be a part of an intimate Swazi cultural moment. I was not an outsider. I was not an Mlungu (white person). I was not watching a documentary on some distant African tradition. I was a friend, a daughter, and a sister first handedly experiencing life in the shoes of a young Swazi woman.

A few weeks after, another best friend in my Swazi community got married. It was breathtakingly beautiful. The wedding was held at a country club, outside beneath the trees next to the pool. It reminded me a lot like weddings in the States. The only difference was that, like all Swazi events, it lasts all day long.

Though I’m bummed to be missing my friend’s weddings’ back home, I can’t help but marvel at how BLESSED I am to be here, and sharing these moments with my Swazi friends. I am so lucky to have formed bonds with these amazing women. I suspect and I hope, that we’ll remain friends for life- despite distance and differences.