"I am the master of my fate and the captain of my destiny"

I've always loved, respected, and admired Nelson Mandela for his strength, courage, unfathomable determination, ability to forgive, persevere, and despite all odds he overcame what was deemed to be impossible. He united a nation, fought against both white and black denomination, and gave everything for a greater cause-for something he believed to be worth fighting for. I have been reading his book, Long Walk To Freedom, and my admiration only grows with each passing page. He is everything I want to be-fearless, audacious, passionate, dedicated, humble, and patient just to name a few admirable qualities.

I have compiled a list of my favorite Nelson Mandela quotes:

• “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
• “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
• “I am fundamentally an optimist. Whether that comes from nature or nurture, I cannot say. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward. There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.”
• “For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.”
• “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
• “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
• “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”
• “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
•  “A leader. . .is like a shepherd. He stays behind the flock, letting the most nimble go out ahead, whereupon the others follow, not realizing that all along they are being directed from behind.”
• “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”
• “There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
• “Overcoming poverty is not a task of charity, it is an act of justice. Like Slavery and Apartheid, poverty is not natural. It is man-made and it can be overcome and eradicated by the actions of human beings. Sometimes it falls on a generation to be great. YOU can be that great generation. Let your greatness blossom.”
• “We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
• “Quitting is leading too.”
• “During my lifetime I have dedicated myself to this struggle of the African people. I have fought against white domination, and I have fought against black domination. I have cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.”
• “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires”
• “We must use time creatively, and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.”
• “I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE AND THE CAPTAIN OF MY DESTINY.”
• “Tread softly, Brathe peacefully, Laugh hysterically.”
• “Success in politics demands that you must take your people into confidence about your views and state them very clearly, very politely, very calmly, but nevertheless, state them openly.”
• “I shall stick to our vow: never, never under any circumstances, to say anything unbecoming of the other...The trouble, of course, is that most successful men are prone to some form of vanity. There comes a stage in their lives when they consider it permissible to be egotistic and to brag to the public at large about their unique achievements.”
• “I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.”

Moral of the story: Try, try, and try again. Never give up. The road is tough, the road is hard, there will constantly be another mountain to climb, another obstacle to overcome. But do it with love. Do it with courage. And then, who knows what can be accomplished, and the impact you will have on others.

 Perhaps one day I will be as strong, bold, gentle, caring, and wise as Madiba. He is a great man. The world cannot forget what he has done and how far South Africa has come because of his determination and willingness to compromise. This is to you Nelson Mandela. In one month you'll celebrate your 94th birthday and I can only say thank you for everything you have done. May you have many happy returns!

Hypochondriac you say?

As I had mentioned in the previous post, I had my COS medical exams this week. Little did I know, I was in for a RUDE AWAKENING: I'm not as healthy as I thought.

Every test seemed to bring about more tests. And those results brought more doctors appointments and further examinations, which eventually has led me to here and now, where I'm sitting in the Peace Corps office waiting for the latest results and resting up so I can travel back to my hut sweet hut! How I miss my small little room with my spider and scorpion friends!

For two years I have said that "I am allergic to Swaziland". At first this started out as a joke, that I was ready to leave, but slowly and surely I realized that this was not only metaphorically true, but realistic as well. The first time I left the country in December 2010, I realized my constant allergies, the sneezing and crying came to a halt in Mozambique and I could breathe with ease. Since then, every vacation I've taken whether it be to South Africa, Mozambique, or Europe has been a wonderful break from the constant irritation that seems to only happen in Swaziland. I have found that it takes about a day to clear my system, but I'll be perfectly healthy for the duration of my trip. I am truly allergic to Swaziland.

So for two whole years, I've been taking Zyrtec daily, and when the allergies get extremely terrible I'll take up to 3 Benedryls a night, along with a nose spray and eye drops. Although I have allergies everywhere in Swaziland, some parts of the country are worse than others. There was one memorable night where it was extremely terrible and I had taken 3 benedryls just to stop crying and go to sleep. I woke up around 10pm with something touching my right hand. Annoyed, because it wouldn't leave, I turned over and quickly fell back into my self induced coma. A few minutes later I awoke to a scream and my hard-drive flying across the room. Trying to piece together what just happened, my friend sleeping on the bunk below me informed me that something fell off of my bed onto her. She grabbed it thinking it was my phone. It turned out to be a bat. She flung the bat across the room and my computer and hard drive went with it. We spent about 20 minutes hunting the bat down and trapping it, then I went back into my cocoon and fell fast asleep. As it turns out, I was petting the bat in my sleep. Good thing we've got our rabies shots.

Most of my nights in Swaziland end in a similar fashion; I end up going to bed extremely early due to allergies. So when one of my friends said to me, "Shauna, I heard you wheezing last night. Were you OK? I think you have asthma, you need to get checked out" and she had heard me quite clearly from a tent far away, I realized it must be pretty severe. The thought of developing asthma had never crossed my mind previously and I hoped this was not the case. I immediately talked with my medical officer and she gave me a breath tester. Turns out I was way below where I should be. She put me on an inhaler immediately.

About 2-3 weeks later, I came in for my COS (Close Of Service) Medical Examination. The inhaler was helping a lot and I had thought my breathing had improved, so when my medical officer said she was sending me to get a chest x-ray, I was shocked. If I was healthy, why would I need an x-ray?! Results came back and in it held another surprise- I have bronchitis and possibly pneumonia. WHAT?! How on earth did I not know and more importantly, how long have I had this? I've been feeling slightly ill since January but blamed it mostly on the allergies, so have I been sick all along?

Then I have found out that I have an iron deficiency. I figured as much since I rarely have access to meat, and my diet consists of ramen, rice and beans, and spaghetti. But it was still nice to hear that my "laziness", tiredness, and inability to walk up hills was more than just being physically out of shape. I have a legitimate medical excuse!

Among these issues, I also became aware of that my vision has significantly worsened, the click in my jaw is terrible- I now clench and grind my teeth at night, I may have developed asthma, I have tested for anemia and there is inflammation in my system with which they are testing for a variety of things. So, basically, I'm on all sorts of medication right now. I've been put on a few different antibiotics, antihistamines, inhalers, antimalarial pills, and other random stuff. I definitely feel like a hypochondriac with all my meds right about now. Like they said, discomfort courtesy of U.S. Peace Corps.

Life Lately

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of events.

Swaziland is home to one of Southern Africa's best international festivals: BUSHFIRE. The music festival took place on May 25-27 at House of Fire. My friends and I got there early, set up our tents, and prepared for a weekend of music, food, and fun! Though the music line up wasn't as spectacular as last years, it was definitely a better time.

Following Bushfire, I had my Close Of Service (COS) Conference. It was 3 days of learning what needs to happen before I leave Swaziland, how hard the transition will be back to America, choosing my "official" departure date, researching my ticket home, reminiscing over the past 2 years and saying goodbye. It was exactly what we needed.

Then on June 6th a friend and I went to Johannesburg to take the GRE. Let's just say we may have gone overboard on our excitement to see a mall, McDonalds, a food court, and a movie theatre. We may have gone straight to McDonalds upon entering Jozi and watched a double feature of Hunger Games and The Avengers in 3D, which Swaziland has been promising to show for the past month but hasn't. When booking our stay at the hostel through hostelworld.com, it said that the dorms were taken so we decided to camp. Unfortunately it's winter now and Joburg was freezing! We ended up wraped in all of our clothing, shivering all night, and getting little-no sleep.

Upon returning to Swaziland we went on a shopping spree to pick up gifts for family (and mainly for myself) to send home. Then following this, I have my COS Medical examinations, where I spent 3 days getting poked, prodded, chest x-rays and pooping in a cup. YAY for Peace Corps and yay for being healthy!

Vacation!

Following Camp GLOW and the debacle of the Manzini Transportation Strikes (the bus rank stopped all East bound transport and there was nothing going in or out), my friends and I were ready for a break and most importantly- for our Mozambique vacation!

The Manzini Transport Strikes have been going on for the past few weeks. They started when the city council decided to move all east bound transport to another location. The operators were furious and they stopped all transport in and out of the city. I got caught in the craziness on my way back from Camp GLOW. A bus which I had just missed had turned around and let everyone out. Apparently the operators called the bus driver and threatened him that if he didn’t return to the bus rank, they would burn his bus down. Following this we’ve been put on travel stand-fasts for transportation strikes, teacher strikes, and various other stints occurring through the country. Needless to say, my friends and I were excited to get out of Swaziland and relax by the ocean!

We stayed at a hostel in Vilanculos. Vilanculos is an 8 hour bus ride from Maputo and absolutely amazing. Crystal clear blue waters, a pool and bar overlooking the ocean, and wonderful seafood. Everything I could ask for and more! I had the pleasure of doing two dives in the archipelagos and was able to relax on neighboring beautiful islands. The best surprise: seeing a 1.5 meter long turtle! Much taller and larger than me. It was amazing.

We met a Moz PCV who lived 15km from Vilanculos. He lives on the beach. Incredibly frustrated with the situation, I had to leave the conversation, cool down, and convince myself that these past 2 years in Swaziland were lessons learned, a great opportunity and a time of growth. This is all true, and I would never take back my experience from the past 2 years, but I do sometimes think about how much happier and content and full of life and energy I’d be if I had the ocean? If I was a Moz volunteer who lived on the coast and who had easy access to the water, how different my experience would have been.

GLOW'n! Let your light shine!

Girls Leading Our World (GLOW) is a program run by Peace Corps Volunteers around the world. It is a weeklong camp that focus’ on gender equality, imparting health and guidance, and sharing knowledge and ideas in a safe and secure environment. Each Camp GLOW around the world focuses on issues pertinent to their specific countries’ needs and desires.

Swaziland has never held a Camp GLOW before and so 2 years ago, upon first coming into Swaziland and bearing witness to this heavily male dominated society where to be an outspoken, smart, and confident woman is discouraged and very rare to find, my friends and I decided to bring Camp GLOW here! Being that Swaziland has the world’s highest HIV prevalence rate, we focused our camp on educating young women to make healthy decisions, to take control of their body and mind, and to empower them so they might become a leader in their communities. It took 2 years of planning and coordinating for this camp to happen but on April 23, 2012- it came together and we did it!

Our camp consisted of 11 PCVs (8 people in my group-G8, and 3 leaders selected from the new group-G9). Each PCV brought 1 Counterpart (a leader in their communities) and 3 girls from each community. Though there were a lot of hitches and room for much improvement in the future, I cannot be happier with the outcome. It went better than expected, and went smoothly for a first ever Camp GLOW!

Each day held a specific theme. On April 23rd, our girls arrived to camp, settled in, got to know each other, and we went over basic rules and expectations.

The 24th was Art Day where we had some wonderful guests assist us. Yebo! Art Gallery was the highlight of the day (and even perhaps of the week)! Yebo! brought in 3 artists from Swaziland and South Africa who showed the girls creative outlets in which they can express themselves through painting, drawing and collage making. They also taught them how to screen print t-shirts. It took some time for the girls to hone in their creative side, but once they got going, it was hard to stop! We had creative writing sessions and TUSEME, a drama group, work with the girls in expressing themselves and opening up.

The 25th was our Health Day. Our Peace Corps Medical Officer (PCMO) came in and led our session on Grief and Loss. This is where the girls opened up about their lives, experiences, and the pain, loss, and heartache they’ve been through in their short lives. Some girls have HIV, most have family members who have died from AIDS, and all have experienced death of some sort- from a friend, family member or someone in their community. Following this we had guests talk about Substance Abuse addressing drug and alcohol abuse here in Swaziland. We took a break and hiked at Mabuda Farms giving the girls some fresh air and time to contemplate. Closing off the day we held our sexual reproductive health sessions talking about everything from the body, to using tampons and pads, to learning how to use male and female condoms.

On the 26th we had our Conservation Day! We had a conservationist come in and talk about volunteering, what it means to volunteer in the communities and in our daily lives, and how we can protect and conserve our surroundings. We then left for Hlane Game Park where the girls went on a nature walk. 5 of us PCVs parted ways and went on a game drive. :D

The 27th was Futures Day- going through everything regarding their future. We had a lawyer come in and talk to the girls about women’s rights in Swaziland. Most people are unaware that women legally have rights and this was a very important session for them. We had SWAGGA come in and talk about abuse (physical and sexual abuse) and what the girls can do about it, who they can talk to and what their options are. Later in the day we had a career fair as well as a female and male panel. The female panel consisted of 5 powerful women in Swaziland who hold jobs otherwise deemed as “male leadership positions”. They talked to the girls about their struggles, the obstacles they overcame, and how they made it that far. The male panel was just as inspirational and possibly even more needed as the female panel. It consisted of 4 men varying in jobs, who told the girls that they believe in women, they value women’s education and health, they admire and respect the strong and independent women in their lives and they hold to the understanding that Swaziland will not succeed until girls learn to respect themselves and are respected and valued by others. The girls were touched and highly moved by all presentation panelists.

The 28th was our departure day. We talked about setting personal goals, goals for their communities, and what they want to teach to their GLOW clubs in the communities.

All in all it was a fun filled, information packed week. Despite the exhaustion (going from 6am-11pm daily) and terrible nights of sleep (our Swazi counterparts were incredibly excited keeping us up until 2-3 am and waking up around 4-5am), the outcome was worth it. My girls had never left the community before and they soaked everything in like a dry sponge. Just seeing them smile made it all worth it.

Be Faithful

As I had mentioned in a previous post I’m conducting a health awareness campaign by painting buildings in my community with health messages alongside poetry written by students in the area, addressing the issues surrounding HIV/AIDS in Swaziland. I was fortunate enough to have two Peace Corps Volunteers come out for two days and help me in this endeavor. The results were better than anything I could have asked for or possibly imagine.

Mia at work!



Many friends in the community came and helped out! My wonderful counterpart, Khombi, helped in wording the message.

Khombi and I on the ladder.

The children during their school breaks and after school came out and helped us paint, as well as the nurses from my clinic and the school teachers.



Eric playing with the pre-schoolers!

At the end of Day 1! Almost there!

Bucket bathing.

Day 2: Finished!


Photo time: "Shoot me, Shoot me!"


Completed mural.


Here's a little background on this project, my intentions, and why I believe this mural is important and groundbreaking for my community. My area is very rural and sexual education is not addressed. It is avoided by all means. Even the high school cannot talk about said issues due to the backlash received from parents. The parents complain that by talking about sex, how to protect themselves from contracting STIs and HIV, and about the ABC’s that they are encouraging their children to practice risky and promiscuous behavior. Two things can be said about this. First, their “children” in high school are usually in their 20’s. Half of my form 5 (senior) class is older than me. I have also taught “children” in grade 7-10 who were 22-26 years old. There is no age limit and it all depends on if the children are able to pass their classes and most importantly, if they are able to pay for their school fees. At this age they are no longer children and in fact are adults and have been engaging in sexual behaviors for years, as do most young adults around the world. Secondly, the high school dropout rate due to pregnancy is mind-blowing. My form 5 high school class started out with 36 students in form 1 (grade 8) and are down to 15. When asked the reasons why, they say for different reasons. Some couldn’t pay for school fees, others moved, some for various circumstances, but most, they say, were due to pregnancy. The headmaster at my high school is doing his best to address and combat the issues surrounding teen pregnancy which ultimately leads to high school drop out and getting married at a young age, but it’s hard fighting an issue without being able to teach them about their options.

All of this to say that sex remains a taboo topic. Our painting (which was copied and adapted from a painting done in another PCV community) is in the community center. People passing to/from the clinic, going to school, getting transportation, going to/from South Africa, and those wanting to buy something from the sitolo (local store), are required to pass this mural and the poems addressing HIV/AIDS and stigmatism. During the painting and the weeks that followed, we received A LOT of feedback more negative than positive. Many parents and teachers were concerned that the children would imitate the picture and start practicing kissing. BUT, where there were negative comments there was always someone present to speak positively about it and address the issues at hand. And over the last couple of weeks I have been able to hear the gossip, what people feel towards the mural and why. It’s controversial and it’s exactly what I wanted!! It’s bringing issues to the surface and it’s forcing parents, teachers, friends, and adults in the community to address what they have been burying for too long.

The phrase: “Yetsembeka kuloyo lotsandzana naye: Tivikele, Umvikele, Titsandze” means "Be faithful to the one you love: Protect himself/herself, protect yourself, and love yourself." The message being: BE FAITHFUL, protect yourself and protect the one you love. <3

White Water Rafting and Crocodiles!

About two weeks ago my wonderful PC buddies, Mia and Kelly, decided to go on a white water rafting adventure with me. We were meeting up with some of their friends who are volunteering with the World Race and were stopping in Swaziland for a month. A perfect excuse to get out of the hut and do something fun!

Having only white water rafted once before, we were slightly apprehensive having to be our own guides in our own boats, in a river with crocodiles in them. Kelly, who does not know how amazing of a steer-er I am, opted out of being my partner. By default Mia was stuck with me.

Trouble started in the beginning. We couldn't get out of the sandbar. Then, due to my wonderful skills, I'd direct us into rocks, boulders, and reeds. Very talented, I know. But we eventually got the hang of it and started "Stand Up Paddling" in the calmer parts and oddly enough, we realized we were way more coordinated paddling backwards into the rapids than forward. Yup. Again I repeat, that talented!

Mia and I had successfully stayed in the boat throughout the first half and the guides made it a mission to "tip us over". They succeeded twice. The first was shallow waters so we hopped right back in. The second time it was deep and we couldn't hoist ourselves up. We floated on down until we reached a bank. Sometime before this, we spotted a small croc cruising on up the river. Just what you want lingering in the back of your mind. Stuck in the water and there's crocs watching you!

We made it out alive and in tact. All in all it was a very successful and wonderful adventure! Now it's just a countdown until the next big adventure: Caving.